How To Mend a Friendship
Now That's a Great Quality of a Good Friend!

- In This Section -

• Qualities of Good Friend
  
• Best Friend Sister
  
• How to Mend a Friendship
• How to Keep a Best Friendship

How to Mend a Friendship: Make the Time

Worth the time- - let's mull that phrase for a moment. Here is a terrific quote: "Time is the great equalizer of us all." (I actually thought of that all on my own, even though I am blonde!)

Every day, we must answer the question, "What is worthy of my time today?" Every woman, all over the world, has just 24 hours in every day.

When hours are used up, we can never get them back. We better decide on what is worthy of our time. There--I just summed up Life!

Is mending a woman friendship worthy of our time and effort? Let me answer that by sharing a story with you:

It's actually my story.....In 1989, Tom and I lost our oldest son, Matthew. It was a very tragic death, and hurt our family deeply. Tom and I are Christians and most of our closest friends are Christians, our family members are Christians, my college friends are Christians.

My expectations were too high.

And in the days and months and years after his death, very few women friends came to visit. Very few called. I do not remember one meal brought to our house.

Just to "pen these words to paper" brings tears to my eyes. We were very alone, and I was very hurt by many women friends who I thought had really loved me.

My response was to build walls. I just gave up on some of my best friends and friendships. I did not communicate.

A Sea of Stubbornness is Gray and Uninviting!

I was drowning in a sea of stubbornness.

Years passed, healing was happening....and something surprised me...I was missing my women friends. God put a piece of sand in my shell, and it just disturbed me enough to keep me thinking, "I want to mend these friendships, Lord. I want to mend these friendships."

But how? My walls were thick and tall. I prayed, "How, Lord, show me how."

Make the First Move - How to Mend a Friendship:

Then it came to me. I love to write letters, so I sat down and wrote a letter to four friends, four couples to whom Tom and I had been very close.

I saved the rough draft of that letter, can you believe that? I found it stuck in my Bible. God knew that I would share this with you, all of my Something Sisters, all over the globe --14 years later.

Ask Forgiveness - How to Mend a Friendship:

The year I wrote this was 1998.

"It has been 9 years since Matthew's death, and what a growing time this has been for me spiritually. God has been faithful and loving. He is healing me and has empowered me. He has forgiven a multitude of sins. Through His rich gift of grace, I have been set free -- to live for Him and at the center of His will, to accomplish His purpose and bring honor to His name.

It took me only a minute to write that paragraph, but it has taken me 9 years of struggle and perseverance to get to that point, and I am still growing.

That brings me to the reason for this letter.

In my extreme pain, I know I offended and hurt people. I cut off their friendships. I disliked them. I spurned their efforts to help us. Or because you didn't help us according to my expectations, I loathed you. I wanted nothing to do with you. Psalm 66:18 has the perfect description: I cherished sin in my heart.

I know that God loved me just the way I was, but He did not allow me to stay that way. He refused to leave me in my hurt and self-pity. He has routed sin out of my heart to be confessed and forgiven.

Dear Best Friend, I am confessing my bitterness to you and asking for your forgiveness.

I want to put things right -- in my heart and in my relationship with you. I am sorry it has taken me so long, but in God's time, a thousand years is like a day and day is like a thousand years.

Thank you for reading this letter, for listening to my earnest request, and if appropriate, thank you for your forgiveness.

It was not until just recently that I was able to understand Romans 8:28. I thought no good could ever come out of Matthew's death, but God has graciously taught me that the good is the transformation of my life, and the mending of my friendships.

I have been changed to be more like Jesus, and after my baptism in the Jordan River in June of this year, I have promised God to be faithful to Him, to be His witness, to be used as He desires and to accomplish His purposes at the very center of His will."

So here I am!

Love,
Elaine

Wait for the Response - How to Mend a Friendship:

Three couples showed that they had qualities of being good friends. Three out of the four, wrote back, called back, cried with me, drove hundreds of miles to visit with us, and said they had been praying for us consistently.

Praying for 9 years! They just didn't know what to do with all my hurt and admitted that they had failed, too.

Enjoy the Reunion - How to Mend a Friendship:

It was a glorious reunion of my women friends in friendship and love and forgiveness. To God be the glory...great things He has done! All those friendships mended. It was worth every minute of effort.

Remember the piece of sand that God put in my heart? It turned into a "pearl of great price."

I think, dear Something Sisters, that knowing how to mend a friendship is one of the BEST qualities of a good friend. Keep mending, fixing, repairing, restoring -- doing whatever it takes to keep those wonderful woman friends.

How to Make Friends

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